How To Deal with Baby Blues

Do you feel exhausted? insecure? Angry - but you don't know why? paranoid and fearful? sad?

These are normal emotional mood swings that some new mothers pass through. Though they can be quite distressing, they are nothing to get overly concerned about. Postpartum blues (sometimes called "baby blues") occurs in about 80 percent of new mothers, resulting in significant mood swings during the first few weeks you bring baby home. So relax you're not alone in these feelings. If you've chosen your child through adoption, you may experience similar emotions (though not from a change in hormones) from the stress of life change, lack of sleep, and general exhaustion due to the responsibility for this new member of your family.

What you've heard about in the news, through stories of women who have harmed their own children is entirely different and a more serious matter. It's called postpartum depression and is more rare than you might think occurring only in about two out of every thousand new mothers. Such depression, like other cases of diagnosed depression, requires therapeutic care. For instance, I've had a couple of patients who had psychotic reactions to birth. One mother rushed her baby to the hospital, convinced that her child was dead. Doctors looked the baby over and declared that the infant was just fine. On her third such trip, the doctors finally clued in to what was going on and prescribed the right drugs and counseling for the mother.

During the first year it's a really good idea to talk to a friend who's been through the experience of mothering a young child. Or join a new mother's group (MOPS Mothers of Preschoolers is only one such group), where you will get lots of perspectives¡ªand find comfort for the shared areas of struggle that moms face.

Don't expect your husband to understand. No offense but he's a guy. He's never gone through the physical experience of birthing a baby and having his body chemical makeup altered. And as a parent to either a birthed or chosen child, he as a man will never go through quite the emotional seesaw that you experience with your child on a daily basis. Besides, if you're in the baby-blues stage, most likely your husband is taking the brunt of your sudden anger and downswings and may need his own outlet to talk with other fathers who've been through the ropes! So you need to talk to another mom who can understand what you're going through.

So if suddenly your baby is driving you up the wall or you're treating your husband as your number-one enemy, suspect baby blues as the culprit. The ones closest to you are the most likely to bear the brunt of your mood swings. If you start to feel suicidal or you have thoughts of harming your baby, seek therapeutic help immediately. Don't make major or rash decisions during this period. Realize that some of the hostility you feel may be based on stress and hormones more than an accurate reflection of your feelings.

I can't give you a surefire prescription to climb out of these downtimes, because every woman has a different remedy. Some of you would do well to start working out again, or just go on a long walk through the woods. Exercise may be your best medicine. Others of you need to laugh rent some funny movies or, even better, go out to the cinema. Maybe you need a hot bath with a good novel. Though I know weight may be a concern at this point, consider giving yourself a treat of some sort: chocolate, ice cream, or other "comfort" food. Don't overdo it, but give yourself the freedom to pamper yourself a bit. Getting out in the sun is quite often a great tonic; there's something about sunshine that seems to reach our souls.

Just as your body is physically recovering, so your mind needs to adjust to the major change that has just taken place.

You've gone from being a baby, to being an adolescent, to being an adult, to being a mother with a key responsibility for another life. Give yourself room to adjust. You've just passed through one of the most significant passages of life. And you're juggling more things now than you thought possible before this child became yours.