How Often to Feed Your Baby

If you're bottle-feeding, you have an accurate reading down to the half-ounce. But if you're breast-feeding, how do you know how much is coming out of those breasts? The rate of your child's growth is the single best determiner of how much nutrition he's receiving. Your pediatrician will be a great help here. If your baby is growing at a reasonable rate, it's safe to assume that he's getting enough milk. But don't let those height/weight charts at the pediatrician's office scare you. Remember that they're just that¡ªcharts that represent the average American baby. Every baby is different. If your baby's weight, height, and head circumference are developing normally and following a traditional curve, even if he's smaller or larger than the average baby on the charts, you have nothing to worry about. If you are concerned, share those concerns right away with your pediatrician who can address your specific case.

On average, a newborn infant should feed six to ten times a day, which translates into once every two to four hours. Any less than six times a day, and your child risks becoming dehydrated. Any more than ten times a day, and your nipples are going to start feeling like chewed-up pacifiers! There are differing opinions on whether a child should be allowed to nurse as long as she wants. I fall somewhere in between on this. Your body can take only so much; after the first two weeks, a baby can get 90 percent of your milk in the first five minutes of feeding (per breast). If you're feeling sore, you can use a finger or pacifier to satisfy your child's sucking needs.

There's a slightly more earthy way to make sure baby is getting enough food¡ªkeep a close eye on her diapers. There should be four to six wet ones a day, and after about two weeks of age, three dirty ones every day. This is all based on averages, of course. If you're truly concerned, or if your baby seems to be nowhere near these numbers, check with your pediatrician.

Probably the most frequent question I get about feeding in the early days is whether I believe babies should be fed on demand. When you're talking about an infant, yes, I believe you should feed him when he's hungry. You're going to get lots of advice from others about the "right way" to do this, but keep this in mind: Not a one of us is built the same way. Consider how different you are from your siblings. Remember that brother who packed it in at breakfast, eating a dozen pancakes, who then had nothing but a Coke for lunch, but then pigged out once again at dinner? And maybe you had a sister who barely touched breakfast, ate a full meal for lunch, and had a very light dinner.

We're all different, aren't we? Of course we are! So why should we expect all babies to be the same? Even if you have ten babies, you'll likely have ten different eating preferences. God doesn't have one cookie cutter that he uses to stamp us out. Scripture tells us that your baby was "fearfully and wonderfully made." God himself created this child and watched carefully over him in the womb. Your child is a unique creation; there's no one else like him in all the earth!

This also means that you can't really know ahead of time what kind of an eating schedule your child is going to be on. The best way to establish a "schedule" is to start feeding him whenever he's hungry. You'll quickly notice that his nature will dictate what times of the day he wants to eat.

For some of you, this open-ended schedule may be pretty hard to swallow. You like things to be done by the book; unfortunately, there is no book when it comes to a child's personal preferences. Let me put it this way: There is going to be a schedule, but it's TBA¡ª"to be announced." The "announcer" is going to be your son or daughter. Believe me, babies have a way of making their desires known! Once you understand his natural rhythm, you and baby can get used to a certain schedule.

The comforting news is that as you become familiar with your child's schedule, the eating wars will stop. Just about every baby wants to be fed soon after waking up, but when he's hungry again after that depends largely on the child. Read your baby like a book, and then stick to that schedule. You'll find out soon enough that parenting is a balance between legitimately staying in control and also being sensitive to your child's needs.

If you have further questions, consult your pediatrician. Just be wary of any rigid system that says, "This is the way it has to be done" or that tries to construct some "divine method" that every baby must follow. Speaking as a psychologist, I want to assure you that you are not going to mess up your kid based on her feeding schedule. How and when you feed her won't create a spoiled child, a cranky child, or a strong-willed child. These are all valid concerns, but they have nothing to do with early infant feeding.